


Six Young Avengers Drabbles (with bonus cute zombie dialogue)

by Tsaiko



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - House of M, Car Accidents, Dialogue-Only, Drabbles, Humor, Kidnapping, Magic, Nudity, Snark, Teddy as Dorrek VIII, Zombies, weird sense of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4590108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsaiko/pseuds/Tsaiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six Young Avengers Drabbles and a bonus cute zombie-AU dialogue. All humorous.<br/>Drabble 1: In which there is off-screen destruction of the vehicular kind<br/>Drabble 2: In which there is no destruction and no demons either<br/>Drabble 3: House of M - AU. In which there is failcake in the form of kidnapping.<br/>Drabble 4: In which Billy and Teddy travel all this way just to wind up at home<br/>Drabble 5: Dorrek VIII (ie Teddy is the Skrull Emperor) AU. In which Teddy is kind of a bastard, and Billy has no idea who he's really talking to.<br/>Drabble 6: Challenge request. In which nobody saw Tommy do it, and nobody can prove he did it.<br/>Drabble 7: Bonus zombie dialogue</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Young Avengers Drabbles (with bonus cute zombie dialogue)

**Author's Note:**

> Because I am lazy, I posted this as one big work instead of splitting the drabbles up into their own chapters. Lazy, lazy, lazy. As a thin excuse, except for drabble 6, the drabbles really weren't long enough to justify being split up.

**Drabble 1: In which there is off-screen destruction of the vehicular kind**

"You are allowed to laugh for five minutes and then I want some grade A sympathy," Billy says as soon as he sees Teddy. Teddy blinks a few times, before the corners of his mouth turn up.

"Okay. Why should I be laughing?"

Billy takes a deep breath and lets it out in one go. "I was having driving lessons with mom today and rear ended a cop car."

Teddy's first question is "Are you okay?" and once Billy assures him that no one was hurt, he lasts all of three seconds before he starts laughing. "A cop car? You rear ended a _cop car?_ "

"Laugh it up. You have three minutes and 53 seconds left."

"Only you." There is a world of affection in Teddy's voice.

"Only me."

***  
 **Drabble 2: In which there is no destruction and no demons either.**

"Billy, Teddy, did you find out what was going on over on 70th and Lexington?" Eli asked. Teddy snorted and Billy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, obviously it was amateur magic night at Sweet Valley High. We stopped it," Billy replied. Eli opened his mouth, but Billy beat him to it. "Before you ask, no buildings were destroyed."

"No demons summoned," Teddy added.

"No one almost discovered our secret identities."

"And no one was brought back to life in any way, shape or form," Billy finished. "Although the administration of the school is probably going to want to redecorate the girl's locker room. Does that cover everything?"

Eli sighed. "Given the way our last few missions have gone, I'm going to call it a success and just not ask about the girl's locker room."

***

**Drabble 3: In which there is failcake**

Prince William Maximoff, aka Billy, was currently unscrewing the leg off of the metal frame bed in his cell. He was in trouble. Deep trouble. So much trouble. But instead of focusing on the big picture - like say the fact that he'd been _kidnapped by someone and bad things were probably going to happen to him because of it_ \- Billy was focusing on a much smaller detail.

Like the fact that there was no way Alice, the royal family's PR person, could put a positive spin on this.

He could practically see the headlines now. "PRINCE WILLIAM KIDNAPPED FROM NOTORIOUS GAY CLUB." "HOMOSEXUAL ONE NIGHT STAND LEADS TO KIDNAPPING." "SHOCKING TRUTH: PRINCE WILLIAM LIKES COCK." The tabloids were going to have a _field day._

Being outed to his family by the press? Yeah, it was pretty much going to be the icing on the fail cake that was this whole incident.

***  
 **Drabble 4: In which Billy and Teddy travel all this way just to wind up at home**

"You know, I did not come to Las Vegas just to wind up back in in New York," Billy said. Teddy pulled his eyes away from the giant castle across the street to ask what Billy meant. Then he saw it. The Statue of Liberty. The Empire State building. Grand Central Terminal. The Chrysler Building.

The large roller coaster on the roof?

"Something's missing," Teddy said.

"Not enough pigeons."

Teddy considered Billy's response before agreeing. "Not enough pigeons." Movement caught his eye, and Teddy looked over just in time to see a guy remove the wallet from a tourist's back pocket. "I see the pick-pockets are the same though. I'll be right back."

"As if I'd let you go without back up," Billy said softly as he followed Teddy through the crowd.

***  
 **Drabble 5: In which Teddy is kind of a bastard, and Billy has no idea who he's really talking to.**

Teddy watched as Billy poked unenthusiastically at the _kr'llac_ fruit sitting in the bowl in front of him. The corners of his mouth wanted to twitch upwards, but he resolutely made his face as bland as possible. "You don't want to try any of the fruit?"

"Fruit? You mean they're not giant insect eggs?" Billy asked. The skins of the fruit were pale and translucent, each piece slightly oblong with no blemishes. They really did look like eggs.

"Who told you that?" Teddy inquired. The trick was to seem just interested enough. Too much indifference would only make the human suspicious.

"Dork the VIII. Who else?" Billy made a face as he picked up one of the fruit. It was ripe and Teddy knew from experience that it squished slightly. That didn't stop Billy from determinedly peeling it. He popped the fruit in his mouth, then closed his eyes as sweetness flooded his tongue. "This is actually pretty good."

Teddy felt his mouth go dry. He wasn't sure if Billy should never make that face again, or should _always_ make that face. Preferably with Teddy's help. Billy didn't seem to notice Teddy's sudden interest. "I swear, the Emperor just enjoys tormenting me."

_Kind of like you torment me._ Teddy made sure his voice was steady before he responded. "I can't imagine why."

***

**Drabble 6: In which nobody saw Tommy do it, and nobody can prove he did it.**

"Tommy!" Tommy was use to people saying his name in that shocked tone. Usually it meant that he'd succeeded in whatever he was trying to do. This time was a little different though. For one thing, it wasn't often he got the entire team to shout his name at the same time. For another thing, the only thing Tommy was currently doing was getting another Diet Coke from Teddy's fridge.

What the Hell?

He wandered back into Teddy's living room. Teddy, Kate, and Billy were all piled onto the couch. Eli was on the floor near the couch, and Tommy's spot on the floor on the opposite end of the couch was still there. Cassie had the over stuffed chair. Jonas was perched on the arm, though past experience said that he would eventually move to floor as well. Everyone was staring at the large flat-screen TV.

A screen which was currently filled with an up-close shot of some women's naked breasts.

"Woah. Tits." Another equally naked woman appeared on screen. "Hot."

"You did this on purpose," Eli accused. It took every ounce of willpower Tommy had to pull his eyes away from the screen where the two women were now pressing their breasts together and making out.

"What? Did what? Nobody saw me do it, and nobody can prove I did it," Tommy said automatically. Then he shut his eyes and shook his head. "Wait. That makes me sound guilty. Why are we watching porn?"

"That's the disc that was in the DVD player," Kate said. The two women on screen were in the middle of cheesy dialogue. Even Tommy was vaguely horrified to find out one of the women was calling herself Bambi. Speaking in stilted, awkwardly worded sentences didn't interfere with their ability to touch each other though. "The one you said we were watching."

"Okay. That's not mine. And it's not..." One second he was near the kitchen. The next he was hitting the eject button on the DVD. Repeatedly. "...I swear I put the DVD from the store in there."

"You rented lesbian porn using my video card?" Billy demanded. "Wait... that's not what I meant to say. You rented _any_ porn using my video card? Tommy, my parents can see that account."

"I didn't rent porn on your account," Tommy grabbed the disc as soon as it was ejected and then zipped over to the table with the box. He held it towards Billy. "See? Rush Hour 2. Not porn."

"I almost wish you had rented the porn," Billy said. "That movie is terrible."

"The disc much have gotten switched at the store," Teddy said. "It happens sometimes."

"See? Not my fault. At all." Tommy pried open the case and put the DVD back in it. "Five minutes guys, and I'll be back with the movie. It's just a quick run there and back." Then he was out the door.

"Check the disc this time!" Cassie yelled after him.

***

**Drabble 7: Tiny zombie fragment**

**Billy:** Braaaaains.  
 **Teddy:** No.  
 **Billy:** Why? Not even a nibble?  
 **Teddy:** Because you know my brains just move out of the way so you can't get to them.  
 **Billy:** I hate it when you play hard to get.


End file.
